At the Bar

“So, tell me, if you’re not interested, why are you still in touch?”

“Because”.

“Oi! Don’t give me that. What do you mean “because”?”

“Just that. Anyway, why shouldn’t I?”

“Because!”

“Hey, that’s my line.”

“No, really. Tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“Why are you still seeing her?”

“Look, why shouldn’t I? I’m not attached, she’s not attached..”

“Don’t you think you might just be leading her on? Like.. she might think there is hope after all?”

“Hey, I’ve made things clear. If she has those thoughts, that’s not my fault, or problem! Besides, for the time being, whenever I need a date or escort to any do, or should I need somebody to go to the movies with, since I hate going alone…”

“You’re a jackass, big time, you know that!”

“Call me whatever, man! I’m still the one for many!”

“Ah shush! Drink up before I pour the drink all over your face!”

“Do that and you’re buying the next! Chill, man. It’s nothing. You think too much. You’re always that “Mr Nice Guy”. Haven’t you learned that gets you nowhere?”

“yeah… I have to say you’re right. But I can hope, that one day..”

“And that, my friend, is when we all say.. “dream on!”. Drink up. You’re so pathetic but you’re my best mate, so I’ll buy another round. Come on. Hey look, 3 o’clock.. babes on the move! Yeah baby! Out of my way, people!”

“Well, you coming or what?”

Another Phone Call

"Hey baby. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Just fine.."

"Merry Christmas!"

"Girl? You there?"

"Don’t call me that."

"Why? What’s wrong?"

"Look, what is it? Why are you calling?"

"It’s the holiday season, honey. And I was thinking of you. I’ve missed you. You said you’d meet me but when I called the last few times before you kept putting things off. "

"I didn’t have the time then."

"Well, what about now? Can we meet? "

"Don’t. Please don’t call me anymore."

"But I need to see you. I’ve missed you".

"I.. Baby? Hello? .. "

What's Fair?

"You made that choice".
- I had to. I had to do what was right at the time.

"And it’s no longer right now?"
- No. It’s not like that.

"Then what? It was so right that you now want to make it wrong?"
- No. You know that’s not the case.

"Hah. So what is it? You found that despite whatever you’ve done, ooh.. that I’m still the one? And so you’re back?"
- Yes. Well, yes. But don’t make it sound so.. so..

"So what? Stupid of you? Well. It’s true isn’t it? And guess what? I don’t wish to be straddled with your stupidity".

- That’s not fair.

"What’s fair? You leaving me stranded and going ahead trying all other avenues and when all don’t work, you heading back to me? And expecting me to simply, let you in? That's fair?"

Another Blind Date

"So, what's he like?"

"He's okay."

"Hey. Wait up. What do you mean, he's okay? C'mon! Spill!"

"That's just it, I'm afraid."

"You're priceless".

"What do you mean?"

"You didn't even try, did you? What did you do? The usual "oh ok" to everything the guy says? Really! And he's one of the better ones!"

"Told you I'm not big on blind dates. You insisted. Me? I had to go along to shut you up, else I wouldn't have heard the last of it."

"You're a bitch, that's what you are!"

"haha, that I am. Come on, coffee's on me,and a dig into a rich, moist chocolate cake is what we need. Calories here we come".

"and quit with the pout already! I'll humour you by going on that next date once you've set it up. Now come along, I'm dying for that sugar buzz."

The Popcorn's Gone

“Then I guess we were never meant to be...”

“I wish it had been different, the road ahead, I mean, not how it was.. how we were all these time.. those.. those had been the happiest of days, that, I wish, could have been forever”.

“Well, we've lived that dream long enough. Time to wake up.”

“I wish you didn't make it sound like that. You know, so curt”.

“How else do you want me to be? You said yourself it's not possible to go on. So be it”.

“I know you're hurting. You're just putting up that facade again, as you always do when faced with disappoinments. Don't do that with me”.

“If you say so”.

“Don't be like this. This may be our last moment together”.

“And what of it? You want to leave with sweet memories? You want us to hold each other till it's time to part? Then you go off, and we don't see each other again? Would that be, say, more romantic for you? Well – movie's over. Popcorn's gone.”

“Baby..”

“Go. Please, just go”.

“Will you be okay?”

“Don't ask me stupid questions. We've both been stupid in our make believe world long enough. Put a lid on it”.

“Well? What are you waiting for? Go! Leave! Just .. leave. Let me be”.

“I said, leave”.

How much longer...

“How long must it be? How much longer must we hide our feelings? Why should we care what others say, or think of us?”

“Didn't you hear me?”

“I did.”

“Well?”

“It won't be for too long. Soon enough it will be okay for us to let them know.”

“When?! For how long? You keep saying that. I'm getting tired of our hidden meetings. It's just stupid to do so!”

“I don't know how long this will take. But soon. Soon, we will let them know.”

“I don't want to wait too long. Either we let them all know about us, ... or...”

“Give it just a little while longer. Things will work out for the better, trust me.“

“I do, I do trust you, but you've got to try harder letting them know.”

“It's complicated. you know it is...”

“Only because you make it so. I say we just get on with our lives, the way we want to. The hell with the rest!”

“You know I can't do that.... they're my family.. friends.. I don't want to hurt them, any of them....”

“They'll get hurt anyway.”

“I know.. that's why I want to wait, why I want us to wait. Can we, could you just try to be patient, just a while longer, until the right time comes?”

“There'll never be a right time! And you know that! There is just no such thing as the right time. Not in this case. Just let them know about us and get it done and over with!”

“I will.. I will... I promise... “

“I only wish that I do not love you just too much as I do now.. if I didn't, I would have taken off and left... I've waited too long, I've hanged on to that promise of yours for just a bit too long...”

“I'm sorry, baby. Believe me, I am truly sorry. I hate having to do this to you. But I have to try to be fair to them. I still do love them..”

“Then what about me? Don't you then love me? When will you be fair to me?”

It's Just Not Going to Happen...

"What do you mean, you're... in love.. with me?"

"I do. Surely you knew.."

"But I didn't, don't .. I never thought ... you have to stop this.."

"But why? Don't you feel the same way?"

"No! I .. do not.. never did...I mean.. I never meant.."

"We can make this happen."

"No. It's impossible."

"Why?"

"You know why, I just can't."

"Please... I need you.."

"Stop it!"

"I can't. Please.. we can make this work, I know we can. I love you.."

"You're... Look. You have to put a stop to this. This is pure insanity! I don't want to hurt you. But, I think we shouldn't meet any more."

"No.. don't say that, I ..can't live without you, you have to stay! You must! "

"I don't have to stay.. no.. In fact, I.. just don't want to. Not any more. You.. just have to deal with this. I never, not even once, thought more of us, not as what you think. What we had, how we were.. that was good, but you... you've just- ruined it.. I'm leaving. I have to go. You.. you take care, okay? "

"Wait.. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.. please, don't go.. wait, don't leave me. I need you.. baby, baby! look at me.. baby... listen! lets forget all that I've said... lets just go back to how we were.. we can do that.. yes.. yes, we can, we can! we'll do that.. honey?"


"...wait... wait.......
.......... please...... i'm sorry... stay.. please, stay, I beg you ... I..love you...
.. i love you...."

Sins of Yesterday

Sins of yesterday... Will one ever be forgiven, in any true sense. Would yester pains just continue to haunt despite repentance.. would it be possible to feel any worse if such repentance, is reneged.. is there any need to go on.. if only in despair..

Cursed, cursed soul, so
trapped in lies. deep
In seek,
of far flung feigned salvation..

in woes you wither
and in sorrows you soar
only to slump to stern stumble and
In that grief you gasp to deeply breathe.

You poor fooled soul.
Deceived by your own dreams and
Tormented by your own belief of lies
Hold you not to the unflowering seeds –
And hope you not for the unyielding creed

That Evening

"I’ve missed you."

"I said, I’ve missed you."

"I heard you both times. "

"Well? "

"Well, what? "

"Don’t do this to me. "

"And what is it that I am doing to you? "

"You know what I mean. "

"There is nothing left to be said. "

"Please… "

"You're hurting my arms. Let me go. And, from now on, you have to let me go!"

"I can’t. "

"You have too, you did before."

"And you will hold that against me forever, won’t you? "

"Wouldn’t you have?!"

"Don’t… please. Stop…. "

"I have, I did. Long ago. And it’s about time, you did, too…"

Twilight Discussions

And so it was
the twilight of our meeting of minds
would many more ensue
No.. I guess not
we wouldn't have had this moment otherwise
We're running out of time!
darkness beckons, rushing its presence.
The green-eyed devil of darkness just won't let us be

And so it was.
Goodnight then, my twilight too has arrived
My Twilight..whispering its remnants of dying rays
telling me I've run out of it
I know, yes, I do know.
And I shall be ahead of you.
with this shut of a vision I shall drift
until darkness drapes.
for I wish not to greet
its blackened wishes, of dragged eternity

Where do we go from here

"What do I do? "
"What is it that you want to do? "

"No. I mean to make her happy. "
"Would doing that make you happy? "

"That’s not the point. "
"That is precisely the point. "

"Can you please help me here instead of confusing me! "
"I am not confusing you, you're already confused. I am clear with things. "

"Where do I stand in your life? "
"You don’t want to know. "

"But I do. .... This is not a laughing matter. What’ so funny?"

"You. What more do you want? You already have it all. "

"And what about you? "

"What about me? I am fine. I always have been. "

"You’re not helping. "

"I cannot help you on this one. I refuse to. If any decision is to be made, it’s on your own accord."

"How could you? "

"And how could .. you?"

Over Coffee

"Do you miss him? "

"I don’t know. Maybe. "

"What do you mean maybe? You either do, or you don’t. "

"I guess I haven’t given it much thought. So, the times I do.. I guess, yeah. Other times, no, just doesn’t seem to matter. "

"Why do you do this? "

"Do what? "

"This. Pretending you don’t feel as much as you truly do. "

"Because I don’t. What’s the big deal? "

"Don’t you want to be happy? "

"You’re joking, right? "

"No. why would you say that? "

"What makes you think that I’m unhappy, for God’s sake? "

"Well…. "

"You’re daft, my friend, kind, but daft. I am not unhappy. Haven’t been for a truly long time! "

"So you’re saying you’re happy with your life? With how things are? "

"Aren’t you? Are you? "

"Me? "

"Yes. You. "

"Hey. I’m the one asking the questions here. "

"Ahah. Defensive are we? "

"Oh Shush! You like doing this, twisting and turning things around. "

"Hahahaha! No, really. Sigh. Ok. I am not unhappy, I wouldn’t say that I am absolutely thrilled with life every single day, but for most of the days, I am .. content, pretty much, very contented with life. How’s that? "

"Even with all that has happened? "

"Even more so. "

"You’re strange. "

"Hahaha. Which makes you a stranger creature to want to hang out with me.. and the rest. Now. If all of us were strange, that would make us pretty much normal as amongst ourselves, wouldn’t it? "

"I don’t know why I bother sometimes! "

"Because you love me, my dear, because you love me! "

And hearty laughs ensue, as they usually do.

I'm sorry

"Why? "
"I don’t know. "

"What do you mean, you don’t know. Don’t you start acting stupid on me. "

"Well.. you’ve never thought me smart, have you. "

"Don’t you start! "

"I haven’t even begun! But it’s true isn’t it? You’ve always thought me beneath you. "

"Shut up! It’s all in you mind. "

"And yours! Yes, and you know it’s true. If anyone is lying, it’s you. If anyone is pretending some things don’t exist, it’s you. "

"Stop making this about me. "

"But it is, isn’t t? It’s always about you. If I have done anything wrong, it’s only because it’s wrong by YOU! If anything is not good enough, it’s because it’s not good enough by you. Never mind that it’s perfectly ok with anyone else in the world. "

"You’re the one with the complex. "

"Oh it’s me now, is it? Well, so be it. I’m tired. "

"We’re not done. Don’t you dare turn your back on me! "

"Well, make up your mind. You can't seem to stand the sight of me, now you wish not to see the back of me. I thought that would be a welcome sight. "

"You know I hate sarcasm, so shut it. "

"Fine, I’m sorry. "

"What? "

"I said I’m sorry. "

"Don’t you say you’re sorry if you don’t mean it. That was no apology and you know it. "

"Look. I can’t win. You say I’m wrong, yet when I apologise and you make such a fuss about it. You win okay? You’re the fine one, you’re the perfect one, you’re the one who does no wrong. Satisfied? "

And as it always does, the door slams shut.

I Missed the Rising Star

I missed it, the rising star.

I had chosen instead,
to look at the setting sun
as my last vision.

I thought that was all to it.

Maybe, if I had waited a little longer..
But I couldn't have. The moment was stolen
and tried as I might, I could not have turned back to
grasp its end..

So I stood still.

The star?
well, it had chosen to rise without me.
Hah! Desertion in the deserts.
Poetic, this justice.